what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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