I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
