Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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