Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
