I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
