just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
