it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
