i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
