i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
