Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
operation have a gay friend backfired
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
