I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
