Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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