Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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