How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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