...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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