Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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