Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
