i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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