how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
