omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
