If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
