A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
