It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
