i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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