Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
