We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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