i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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