I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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