omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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