I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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