It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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