You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
