a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
