I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize