my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
