i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
