my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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