I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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