Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
