What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize