In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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