HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
