ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
