He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
