It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
