Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
