Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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