my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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