3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
