the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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