Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
