i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize