Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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