Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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