Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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