last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
