I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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