dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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