I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
