I wish I could teleport
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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