quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
