His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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