i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
