he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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