DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
